Back to France again

Bonjour!

....and my mood is very fractious. Gotta be honest, I didn't want to come back! I know you are not surprised? More about that later.

Firstly, on our last day, my Dad was taken ill again. He's home now, but his poor health only amplifies the issue of us being here in France and equally, the issues with my brother and his family. It's a shame that they feel I am not doing my bit or that I'm somehow purposely avoiding the issue. I'm clearly not and no matter how hard they try to victimise me, they must know by now that I don't really care about their biggoted opinions!

I also think, I would find it hard to be a carer from France really, so I have offered to help with getting them help, meals and so on but the answer is always NO. Again, I had the difficult conversation with my Dad about living arrangements before we left for France at the beginning of May! I am very aware of the issues.

My brother and family are very local and haven't moved away from the area for decades and thats the 'normal' for them. I'm not judging them, each to their own, but they are certainly judging me. 'Home' for us isn't and never has been where my Mum and Dad live. My husband goes where his specialist work goes and I won't apologise for it. My brother's partner writing angst on my FB yesterday, is just the icing on the cake for me. How on earth does she think attacking me in public, is something I deserve? Her complaints are ridiculous. She has no idea why we were in the UK or what our plans were. My parents are elderly, yes, but they have their faculties and are able to decide what they do and don't want. What do they expect me to do? Drag them out to an old folks home under duress?

Not gonna happen, but my brother’s side can't abide a differing opinion and its tough really! Also, I may be born female but I've cared for my own family and now I'm looking after my career thank you! I am entitled to my life!

It appears I have the new title of 'selfish sister/daughter', a badge I'm throwing in the bin! Also, it's okay that they don't understand or agree with my writing but it's not okay to keep trying to sabotage it!

This nonsense, that somehow I'm complicit in my parents ill health and life choices is equally bonkers. My Mum and Dad make their own decisions and as I've said before, whilst it wouldn't be instant thanks to those that voted Brexshit, they can come to France and live with us. Of course that’s not good enough for my brother's side. I should of course dump the renovation, the company, my husband and dogs and move back to look after them! One, they've said 'no' to coming to France and two, they don't want me home to look after them. I don't blame them for not wanting to come to France, when their life is where they are and they enjoy their community. Of course my Mum has a better social life than I do! My life is not there either, nor will it ever be.

Honestly, I'm so over the expectation that I can wave a wand and make my Mum and Dad do what my brother wants. I wouldn't anyway. I respect their wishes as they are and if they change their mind, they know they can let me know, no problem.

Yes it's difficult when one or the other is taken ill, I'm not down the road, I can't react quickly, but I don't honestly feel I should have to explain how worried I get or that I care. Of course I do! I speak to them a lot and I don't need permission from the rest of the family thanks!

I'm not the only one in this difficult position here in France. I talk regularly with friends in very much the same position. It is what It is. The brutal truth is that my Mum and Dads choices are theirs and mine are mine. We all live our lives to suit ourselves and not with the vision of becoming a full-time carer.

Anyway, enough of that now, I'm just glad my Dad is back in his own bed again. I will also be quite excited to get to my own bed tonight. The ferry crossing was just about okay but the lurgy is on the move and we have both just had a Lemsip!

Our trip back to UK was mainly for Philip's work and he was on a stag do at the weekend in the south. When my friend was taken poorly we had to change our plans to see my Mum and Dad as we were staying with her in the north, but it wasn't a complete loss, as I caught up with Helaina finally. We haven't seen each other since early July! It was really lovely to see and hang out with her.

The AIRBNB was a bit MEH. I won't use that one again. It wasn't dreadful but it wasn't the best either. However, the location was more than good enough. I was there mainly to fill my store cupboards up with a gluten free grocery haul and I did just that! Honestly. It was really nice not having to travel far for a change. It was just 1 hour 40 to the ferry port this side, a good sleep on the overnight ferry and then 10 minutes on the other side to the AIRBNB. A complete revelation! We always travel to see people and have done since we got married, so its good not to for a change.

We also managed to meet up with Di Phillips who has been a good online friend for a long time and is now the owner of my old FB group. We met for lunch and talked the whole time and I hope we can catch up again very soon. I will never leave it too late to meet an online friend again because as you know, I never got round to meeting Pam and then suddenly it was too late. Di gifted me some of her home made preserves and I shall enjoy every dollop, thank you!

It was also a blessing to be able to relax for once! We've been on the go since the begining of the year and things haven't been great here with the lorry issue! It was good to just be and not be pulled in all sorts of different directions. Sometimes we all need a little space from what ails us!

The dogs were very well looked after and it was lovely to get back to a tidy house, happy dogs and a pot of homemade soup! I'm so lucky and the dogs will surely miss their Aunty Vics, as will I, as she's off on her holidays! For once i didn't worry about the dogs! It was bliss!

I've unpacked the grub and now I need to get on with the washing. I just know I'm headed for an early night tonight, much needed, for tomorrow as I need to crack on with renovation jobs again!

Living here in France is it for now, but the hard conversations are being had about 'if it's a long term thing?'........At the moment I'm not feeling it and I know it doesn't give me the quality of life I wish for as a celiac. That said, it's rather a moot point at the moment because we have this renovation to finish before we can decide our next move.

Best get on then!

D x